Say to yourself, I deserve to be happy .. We accept the love we think we deserve. ~Stephen Chbosky. It's just that I've made due without either for so long and still managed to find success in other aspects of life. WebSometimes, I feel like I dont deserve love Its been bout 2.5 years since I broke up with my ex, and I haven't had a girlfriend since. Show deliberate love and kindness. Her experiences in a diverse set of circumstances influence her to write what she can't say. It is the goodness of people, relationships, and situations that we all want and deserve in our lifetime. I think you should go with it. return false; I know that I am not out of the water yet, and the sunshine hasnt completely bathed me in its enlightened glow. I feel like Feeling comfortable in a relationship is so important. I feel like I don't deserve WebIn the end it doesn't matter if you deserve it kindness is done from the heart and the value of what someone wants in return for kindness is nothing, because kindness is selfish, kindness feels good to receive and to give. Dog paralyzed in hit-and-run was adopted, then learned to wag his tail, At age 114, heres her advice: Speak your mind and dont hold your tongue. When I have felt at my lowest, I try to do Good Deeds. Your brain is lying to you about your capabilities. Sign up and Get Listed. } else { I grew up in a home where my dad cheated on my mom, ditching her (and me) in the end, and I grew up vowing that if anyone gets hurt in my relationships, it won't be me. They shouldn't be pressuring you for physical intimacy or make you feel guilty when you're not in the mood. Instead of being on the bottom side of that, where youre being mistreated and someones behaving badly, you dont deserve to be treated that way. Some people are just incredibly polite. Like whatever you have to say doesnt make a difference. That then confirms what we believed all alongthat people will hurt us and leave us. } else { Reject If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness. function() { Webfeel stronger in the face of challenges. Its not a permanent solution, its more of a jump-start but once you feel a little better, then you can start to think more clearly about the (new) direction you want your life to take. I dont deserve love. Wow. I felt like this in my first marriage, that I did not deserve to be with him. Hiraman/E+/Getty Images. I'm Not Worthy, Help! You arent treating yourself with love and respect when people violate your boundaries, and you dont speak up about it. I do indeed have depression also anxiety, and have mostly recovered from an eating disorder so I recognize that plays a role in how I feel about myself. Feel Was I just being used or am I just that unlovable. But these mistakes arent meant to make us unhappy all our life. Eventually, we all just kept our mouths shut and suffered in silence. When You Feel You Don't Deserve to Be Happy In this case, everything that makes you feel I dont deserve to be happy has to be reflected upon. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. WebI love The Velvet underground, I like Lou Reed, so I sang take a Walk on the wild side. Love I feel like if I seek out companionship, it would be purely for selfish reasons, and I wouldn't have the energy to maintain relationships with people. I Dont Deserve She offered to help with some of the debt stuff and while I appreciate it, I feel like I don't want to burden someone else for my mistakes. $('.submenu4').show(); I feel like I dont deserve love clockThis article was published more than2 years ago. I feel like I don't deserve love or to be helped. Any guys feeling like they don't deserve girlfriend/love? How The site WellDoing expresses that many people feel like trust is the thing they value most in a relationship. When a light bulb snaps on in your head and you see something that youve been missing for days, months, maybe even years, though it doesnt change what caused the sea of blue, it makes it look more like a calm lake than a raging ocean. feel like I don't deserve Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking. Read the most recent live chat here. 2. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Love can be a confusing and fickle concept. Youre a loser. I feel like nothing works out because I just can't do anything. Even if you're really Love Thats right, we can actually think back to how our childhood went and trace past feelings to feelings we have today. Its how you can know youre worthy but not believe it, or know what to do but not believe it will work. What It Means to Love: 9 Steps to a Strong Relationship, You Can Have The Love You Deserve If You Just Let Go, Online Marketplace for Lightworkers to sell anything, Please help me, my mind hasnt rested in 8 months, Seeking for suggestion dealing with the situation Im in, Greatest mentor in my life is leaving to another country, He said he loved me and woke up one day feeling confused, How I Found My Worth in Spite of My Fathers Abandonment, Embrace a Moment of Space: 5 Easy Ways to Create a Daily Meditation Habit, 8 Signs Youre Carrying Deep Shame and How to Start to Heal, When Youre Terrified of Conflict: Why True Intimacy Means Speaking Up, The One Powerful Question That Could Completely Change Your Life. After the breakdown my first real relationship I vaulted into a deep dark ocean where I could only tread water, and I stayed there for what felt like an eternity. We expect someone to tire of us, and we push for reassurance or we accuse them of not caring enough until they do tire of our behaviors and disengage from the relationship. 7) You dont understand what they want. })(window,document,'script','dataLayer','GTM-NBFNRL9'); I honestly believe every human is worthy of love but I can always find some reason that doesnt apply to me. however, im married now andmy husband is amazing our life is amazing ..i tried talking to my husband and told him there are some things i did while we dated that are eating at me and i want to be honest with you about them because i feel so guilty and he deserves to know the truth..but he refuses to listen he says he doesnt care doesnt want to hear anything hes happy now thats all that matters. Thats exhausting. If this sounds overwhelming do not fear. I realized that in order to reverse this flow of people and energy I had to redefine how I see myself. $('.submenu').hide(); If you go with this, you'll probably have a nice relationship for as long as it works out. } else { jQuery('.therapist-slider').fadeIn("slow") Archived post. I was treading water again, the same water as I had been for so long, and I was frustrated. Relationship I didnt know how to handle someone who didnt want to use me. Below, experts explain 20 things you shouldnt put up with in your partnership. feel like I don't deserve love WebAnxious types may exhibit self-sabotaging behaviors such as obsessiveness, control, and jealousy. I love being in nature and find the awe and the oxygen really calm me. vertical-align: -0.1em !important; I was used and hurt and thrown away, like an old Kleenex, and after a while thats who I thought I was. j=d.createElement(s),dl=l!='dataLayer'? Accept kindness and give some back and spread it around because everyone deserves some. 3. Jan 11, 2021. All rights reserved. Suicide rate is 10 percent and the suicide attempt rate is 70%. we both decided to tell each other the truth before we got back together however he was just having fun but i fell in love with someone who was married. and most likely doomed, relationship. You deserve love. .footnotes_reference_container {margin-top: 24px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important;} 10 Reasons Why You Deserve Love reserved. And with awareness, compassion, encouragement we can start to change those patterns of behavior in the future. I feel bad when someone does something nice for WebI feel like I dont deserve love. .footnote_container_prepare > p {border-bottom: 1px solid #aaaaaa !important;} t deserve But I havent shaken the belief that there is something inherently wrong with me that makes me unworthy. $('.submenu').hide(); Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. A place to get personal things off your chest. I have been a faithful employee for five years. I hope this helps. if( getClass1 == 'headSubmenuLinks' || getClass1 == 'headMenuLinksMob col' || getClass2 == 'headSubmenuLinks' || getClass2 == 'container' || $(event.target).is('.menu1') || $(event.target).is('.menu2') || $(event.target).is('.menu3') || $(event.target).is('.menu4') || getClass1 == 'fas fa-bars' || getClass1 == 'fa fa-chevron-circle-left left-align col s6 noPadding back' ) { A part of me feels this isn't true but it's hard to overcome the feeling that I don't deserve love. The challenge is not to push when we feel scared or vulnerable, but to engage and connect. Carolyn Hax: When self-love feels elusive, try turning outward What happened? Even if you're really struggling with something you've done, some terrible regret, or some trait you don't like in yourself, it's hard to stay at bottom while someone is measurably better for your existence. Do people with no friends and no one to talk to deserve food? Smile and wave. } That is something that I probably should have done a long time ago, but I needed to tread water for a while to truly understand. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. And it seems like youve found some good and that youre a good person too. Some people feel like they don't deserve love. You sound like there is a whole lot of past history that you still need to deal with before you can make any kind of peace and resolution in yourself and your marriage. Page couldn't load Instagram. All I had known was the deep dark blue of abuse, and I had fostered the false belief that I didnt deserve anything better. Partner Does These 8 Things Early On, You Deserve Better You Deserve To Be Happy. On top of all this, I want these things at my own discretion. Of course neither of us accepts that statement. Concrete, literal, measurable actions to make something or someone else better. I even dont feel like sharing this to my friends , they always asks me that I look like as if I m suffering from something really bad but I just cant tell them. When it comes to sticking to "my plan" which is basically just what I'd call me trying to improve myself, I have my good days and my bad, and I just don't want to subjugate others to my off days, nor deal with the criticisms others might have. I'm being genuine about who I am but I feel like I am one small misstep from her suddenly realizing that she can do way better than I. GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS. And even though I recognize that thats what Im doing, I find it hard to stop doing it. Even if your partner does respond, it is only a temporary solution because the attention wasnt freely provided. Read more quotes from Jon Krakauer. WebBut me, I'm a monster, I feel like I don't deserve love. Then she became a lawyer. The latter feels more like a defense mechanism in order to prevent myself from over-extending myself, and I've definitely burnt myself out in previous relationships as a result of investing too much energy into them. I am ashamed of my own shallowness, my anxieties and my constant need for reassurance and approval. }(document, "script", "twitter-wjs"); It feels like a vicious cycle. Scan this QR code to download the app now. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.. [12] That behavior doesnt mean your ideas arent good, and its their loss. 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship I don't feel like I deserve love. How not to find love: If youre a woman who cant find love, then you need to grasp what men want from a relationship with you. I was completely confused and unsure. What to Do If Youre Tired of Begging for Attention From Your Why do I feel like I don't deserve my relationship? WebIn my opinion, it's just kind of expected. Challenge yourself. MR. Superman.Elgin B Lumpkin on Instagram: "I dont even know Shortly after that, she said she felt like she "didn't deserve me" for the second time. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. $('.submenu').hide(); I find it extremely hard to accept that they do things for me when i have done relativley little for them in return. } On a deep level. Why do I feel like I don't deserve my relationship? - Quora we have been married for just under a year but dated for 8 years. Privacy Policy. Archived post. Nobody deserves toxic friendships or relationships. Maya Angelou. Dear Carolyn: How do you learn to love or even just accept yourself when you feel like you dont deserve that love? However, I do not suggest focusing on couples work. if (window.focus) { /* New menu calls */ i made a vow not to cheat on him ever and i have not nor do i feel the need to we are happily married but i cant forgive myself for all the drama i caused all the embarrassment i caused him and his family and they still accepted me . Every year one of us will say to the other that we don't deserve their love. $('.submenu').hide(); googletag.enableServices(); You have made yourself vulnerable by committing to not hurting your husbandand that feels scary to you. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. WebI feel like I dont deserve anything. We are all worthy, deserving and cannot think that I dont deserve love- you just have to start believing it. It sounds as if that may be a significant part of your struggles. WebGoogle searches, YouTube videos, articles, statistics After researching I became more depressed for the simple fact BPD is brutal. It really struck me, because I have no problem recognizing that babies and children have infinite value, but I have a much harder time seeing that in myself. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. #6. you do deserve love, i'm hoping you and the person you are seeing are happy together. WebI desperately dont want to be a burden to my parents, despite their unwavering love and care for me. Our family of origin, our parents, or the adults who were responsible for raising us- are our first example and model of how to love. Focus on yourself instead. There's an issue and the page could not be loaded. I know that it will be hard after all of these years to confront much of this but the truth is that you will continue to beat yourself up and maybe even drive this man that you love away if you do not make the commitment to resolve some of these issues. Web7. Adjust your thoughts. Parents Who Don't Love Their Children Another way to look at it is that I am incredibly needy, however I want to take care of my own needs in my own ways without placing that burden on another person. You do deserve better. I dont feel like I deserve a relationship : r - Reddit This idea grows on the previous one where it was already stated that our current romantic interactions tend to mirror what our family of origins representation of love and affection look like. No one wants to love me, no one wants to commit to me, no one wants me. It makes you feel like you dont have the right to voice your opinion. Why do I feel so empty and unloved? If a guy is telling you he doesnt deserve you, then he might be saying it because he cant believe how good hes got it by being in a $('.headMenuLinksMob').hide(); Here is my little sadness for the day. WebI feel like I don't deserve love, romantic relationships, or even friendships at that. Someone whose shoulder I've cried on and who has cried on my shoulder. This type of behavior typically attracts strong criticism and condemnation. getconnected@jessicayaffa.org. Her words demonstrate a distinctive tone and view of the world that is conscious of life as an ever-changing journey. display: inline !important; I met a wonderful person with whom I've grown a strong friendship, someone I trust and who trusts me. People with low self-esteem may enter an identity crisis when they receive affection. You have made" /> Scan this QR code to download the app now. '&l='+l:'';j.async=true;j.src= Focus on changing things in your life to help you see that you deserve happiness. A love that makes sense. I love him dearly. If this sounds overwhelming do not fear. Why do I feel like I don't deserve love or intimacy? Does - Reddit But I feel all the time like I do not deserve her. An easy life is one thing, but sticking your head in the sand and hoping things will fix themselves is crazyas is setting your expectations so low that you expect to be treated like a doormat. }); They are to be reflected on that one may learn from them. deserve It's ours. Feel Like Some people feel like they don't deserve love. t However, sometimes our family history, our past relationships and our limited self beliefs can make us feel like I dont deserve love. Are these thoughts coming from a place of judgment? 3. Dont argue, dont ask if theyve met someone else, and definitely dont make it seem like you lost the most important person ever. If your dynamic is more like 80/20 or worse, he doesnt deserve you. if ($(".submenu2").is(":hidden")) { This was something I had never asked myself. $('.burgerMenu').click(function() { Just drink water, no candy or sweets, because again, I feel I dont deserve it. Marie L. 4. True story! I fight loveand feel lije i dont deserve it. | TikTok Up till the end of my college years I don't know a thing about men, relationship, and love. So let her have the relationship she wants and enjoy it with her. Go love your family, your friends, your dog, your co-worker, etc., and while youre at it give it out generously and as often as possible. WebSome people feel like they don't deserve lovethey walk away quietly into empty spaces trying to close the gaps of the past. For example, knitting blankets for nursing home residents or NICU babies is 100 percent an act of human kindness with 0 percent putting myself out there. Thats just one example, so dedicate some time to finding others if thats not your thing. Though I never quite understood why I felt that way. I think you have quite a bit of insight about your problem: your childhood experiences and past relationships have shaped your worldview in such a way that you dont trust your current reality. But I have changed my ways. Feeling like you don't deserve them really keeps you humble in a relationship. I need to work on my tendency to get frustrated easily, I need to be more proactive and motivated, Im shy about talking to strangers, I feel broken, and Im socially awkward. In social situations, some people dont realize I withdraw or dont speak much because of depression. (858) 413-6063 It's not about me. Love can be a confusing and fickle concept. I always maintained a lifestyle that was safe, so nobody could judge me in a bad way. t Maybe its both. If you dont feel good enough for your partner, you probably need some new challenges in your life to prove to yourself that you are an incredibly capable person who is worthy of love. I Feel Like I Dont Deserve I know this is wrong but it helps me stop feeling like my heart is broken and Ill never get over her. The problem with thinking your ex doesnt deserve to be loved by you is that you love your ex. I recommend that you find a therapist to work through your relationship fears and feelings of self-worth. I'm a horrible self-loather with a penchant for cynicism. width: 1em !important; Xem ni dung ph tin t cc tc gi sau y: Jae(@lanadelreylover0303), K(@keralouisee), 3amfeels07(@3amthoughts1o), . Is it healthy to feel like I don't deserve my GF and for her - Reddit One common reason that makes us say things like, I dont deserve to be happy, is because our past is navigating our present. They might even roll their eyes or audibly scoff at what youre saying. If your husband says he doesnt want to know then leave it that way. Feeling Unworthy or Undeserving? Let $('.submenu3').show(); Being able to take a look back on the type of partner youve chosen, the way youve shown up in the relationship, and the way you felt within and after the relationship, are all cues to figure out how weve come to this conclusion that I dont deserve love. You want someone whos giving it his all and not being just half-assed about you or your relationship. Scan this QR code to download the app now. That said, I am not perfect and tend to make hypocritical decisions, such as eating something that doesn't align with my health goals, not sleeping when I say I'm going to go to bed early, spending more time playing video games/watching YT/Twitch, or the worst offense - buying something for myself when I should be focused on paying off my debts. 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