I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. When our actions are honest, we can create genuine closeness. She might miss you. But my girlfriend also needs to stop enabling the behavior. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. It doesnt matter if your flirty friend hits on you on facebook or on the streets, its still going to make your new lover feel awkward and insecure. I had not met his best friend and I was happy like literally very happy. Using deception and duplicity instead of honesty and integrity. Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein. Whether they're jealous of your new S.O., resentful that you're getting romantic attention or angry that someone else is taking up your time, the jealous friend will do anything they can to come between you and your new partner. Thinking that you will solve the problem will only make you more and more frustrated. I have seen suicide attempts, aggression and erratic and forceful ways of keeping me locked in the house every time I threaten to leave. Exactly. If he or she says, I feel bad when you just watch TV all night. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. If your friends constantly whine about how much time you spend with your new squeeze, theyre just bored and annoyed that youve got something better to do. This is the friend that always wants to always be in your presence. You can either deal with the drama, or firmly tell your gf to deal with once and for all because you refuse to keep doing itand then stick to your guns. "Congrats. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. Tell your girlfriend about your hopes for the relationship. Ever trade phones with a friend? But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. and our Tell her how you feel about Lin, how you think she is butting into your relationship a little too much. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. Types of Friends Who Will Try to Ruin Your Relationship - Sweety High It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). Privacy Policy. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. Having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it. A fantasy bond is an illusion of oneness with a partner, a concept elucidated by my father Dr. Robert Firestone. We started dating and since after 2 months shes been depressed. But this might not work or end tragically also. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Archived post. Whenever she makes the jokes though he backs her up and contributes to those jokes with other things that I trusted him with. He has on multiple occasions told me that he only feels happy, safe and secure around me, and that if it wasnt for me he wouldve killed himself long ago. I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. Just like your female BFF has you as a male friend . We have to know our real intentions and what our real truth is. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. I really hope that it is it. In the background I hear If he comes here Im leaving. To which i responded I am coming home and sleeping there no matter what. So without hesitation I started driving home and came in the house quietly and sat on the couch and just let them do their own thing. 1. hello, I am this depressed girl, She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? I ignore it and then mid convo my girlfriend sends me a message along the same lines ending with grow up. I beat my depression, i became happy again but after a year with my gf and trying to care for her depression i can feel it creeping back again. Cmon guys you know the drill. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. Why love fades and people in relationships grow apart is one of lifes great mysteries. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. past experiences? However, theres often a lot of negative self-talk or critical inner voices that discourage us from pursuing our sexuality. After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. By being aware of all of the behavior patterns that contribute to relationship distress, we can hold ourselves to a standard of remaining both true to who we are and sensitive to another person. Past relationships are always sensitive. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. The advice you receive is tainted by their hidden agenda. In a fantasy bond, we tend to see our partners for who we need them to be rather than who they are. Dear Armand, Editor of The Edvocate & The Tech Edvocate. The only times my girlfriend and I fight are when the roommate is around or when the roommate brings something up. I should have seen the massive red flags. In order to truly change our relationships for the better, its important to look closely at these harmful behaviors and compare them to the more favorable ways of relating that characterize a healthy relationship. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. In an ideal relationship, we see our partner realistically, both their strengths and their foibles, and accept them for who they are. About me and my girlfriend! First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. To start, this friend really dislikes me. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. But that doesn't excuse a reality where you do something like that. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. When couples enter into this type of bond, they substitute a fantasy of being connected in place of real relating. For more information, please see our I really like this girl, but her friend might be the one thing that ruins an otherwise perfect relationship. #5 Friends who make you ignore your lover. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. Why is his girl so obsessed with having me around even though she talks crap about me all the time as well? Medication and therapy dont really work. I dont know what to do any more, Im losing to much sleep, my work is taking a toll and so is my health. Good looking, good healthy cooking. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. This is why its so important not to distort the other person. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. Now that you know which friends to watch out for, how do you stop them from interfering? He or she may be your lifelong friend but that doesn't mean they know what's in your best interest relationship-wise. She has now admitted to me that she has battled with depression since she was a teenager (she is 26). These kinds of friends tend to have ulterior motives. You should see your partner as a whole and separate person who matters to you, independent of your own needs and interests. What I've learned, through my own work and through a 30-year longitudinal study of couples and individuals, is that we can contrast the patterns of behavior between couples that result in long-term romantic love with those that signify that the couple has formed a fantasy bond.. But if your partner gets to know about it, they may get rather annoyed. She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. Warm regards, In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). We exchanged glances with each other all night, but she had to leave before I could make my move. We dont allow ourselves to create a negative caricature, which means not focusing in on their flaws and indulging in critical thoughts. Im the one whos always giving the support and its draining me and she doesnt appreciate it at all and said she cant feel our love anymore. 3 Reasons Why You Resort to Becoming a 'Chameleon' in Love, A Powerful Way to Improve Our Relationships, Why We Underestimate Our Effect on Others, 3 Simple Ways to Quickly Improve Your Mood, How to Love Your Partner the Way They Want to Be Loved, 3 Myths About Public Displays of Affection. And do not try to help, just try to understand. Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. When youre out with your lover and your friends, do your friends constantly try to keep you occupied or try to split both of you into separate conversations? She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. [Read: Bad friends When should you end a friendship? Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. You feel anxious, experience headaches and stomach upset, or have a hard time getting out . I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. Bad friends only care about their own fun. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. Shes not able to be there for me. Bad friends When should you end a friendship? I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. It may be jealousy, malice or a veiled attempt to be better than you, but sometimes even the best of friends can turn out to be real backstabbers, at least when it comes to love. I sensed that something wasn't right with this guy and well getting to . As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Seems like a pattern, a thing to analyse better. thanks for everyone comments! She was sweet, sensitive and caring. [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships]. I can know no one would have got solution. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. But almost always, friends whose only advice starts with break up are up to no good. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. My Girlfriend's Friend Is Ruining The Relationship | Boston.com

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